When I think about the concept of waiting until marriage to have sex, its daunting until I look at how many women around me have done it. Some for as long as 3 years, 6 years, and others their entire lives. I am prayerful that their stories and lessons plant a seed in you to pursue God, waiting, and ultimately #StayTheCourse.
Part 3 of the Season 1 Recap is here with 6 final lessons to be learned from the women of Season 1 of "100 Women Who Waited."
5. Broken Hearts Should Pull You Closer to God, Instead of Push You to Unhealthy Outlets
As women, when we get to a place of broken heartedness, we seek distractions from the pain, instead of running towards the one who can heal us of the pain. Parties, alcohol, drugs, new men, new sex, travel – it’s the “Cranes in the Sky” mentality. But the reality is, jumping into a new bed or new activity won’t heal us from the last one. We must allow this pain to drive us to Christ. Throw yourself before the Lord, tears and all and allow Him to restore and renew your soul. Find yourself in Him. Find your purpose and what He called you to be, but most of all, allow Him to love on you. Then and only then can you allow him to send someone else to love you too.
“It was in this [broken] place where I felt God for the first time in a long time. As if he had been calling my name for a long time, but I was unwilling to listen and hear his warm balm soothe my tired soul.” – Tyane’
“I was deeply saddened by the separation at first, so I began to call on God more and more. With each time that I went to Him, I found more and more comfort.” - Estelle
6. When God Sends 'him' it is Not Confusing
When God sends “him”, it is very clear. I Corinthians 14:33 – “God is not a God of disorder, but of peace – as in all the meetings of Gods people.” Many of us are familiar with the “break up to makeup” cycle of relationship. We’ve dated people on and off, we’ve gone back and forth on whether or not we are ready to move on or ready to forgive. But when God sends “the one” or when God has changed “the one” there is no confusion, the back-and-forth doesn’t exist. The partner God has for you will not come with feelings of confliction, uncertainty. You won’t find yourself sifting through emotions and signs on whether or not the person he has sent is right. If he sends someone from your past, you won’t find yourself at a place of confusion and turmoil trying to determine if they have changed. Thecia's and April's stories both show us that sending “the one” will come with peace and clarity and the pursuit of Christ and his perfect will.
7. Waiting isn't an Activity it is a Process
The purpose of waiting is not merely to deny yourself sex; it’s to bond with Christ. Many people look at waiting as God’s way of simply denying us of all things we love. That is simply not true. Instead, waiting is meant to deny us of our flesh. This is not a matter of religion that says, “I am saved so I must wait.” This is a matter of pursuing Christ and relationship with Him, wholeheartedly. This is about chasing after Him, and denying those things that are a barrier to doing that. God is looking to build a foundation with you. One that is built on spiritual love and relationship instead of fleshly desires, and one that will be a key foundation for a marriage. Our flesh changes daily, to rely on it, is to fail. But to rely on the spirit, and that foundation leads to His promises. It’s the process of taking your issues, your pain, and your brokenness to Him and allowing Him to transform you and make you whole. Connecting physically and sexually with another person, regardless of who he/she is, is to disrupt that bonding process with Christ. This is a process designed to prevent and avoid heartache.
“Waiting until marriage to have sex serves the greatest reward in protecting your future…Only God can do this journey through you. The more you open your heart to the process of a different lifestyle, one that does not lean on what you understand the more likely you are to achieve your goal…When you give him your life you are trusting he is able to see it through to completion.” - Toogie
8. Until God is Enough for You - Nobody Else Will Do.
Waiting is about giving God first place. Learning to love, and be loved. Finding and giving this love from and to God, will set you up to properly love and be loved by others the way God designed. Additionally, God wants all of us – until he is enough for you, and until you find contentment in relationship with him, you will always find yourself back at that “Cranes in the Sky” place, because you are not filled. Being filled with Christ means that if and when the storms and frustrations of life come, the center of your joy continues to exist because it revolves around him. It means that, with or without love and marriage, you are fulfilled.
“Before you can give a man your heart, you must give God first place, and that is what kept me going. If a person does not know how loved and valued they are in Christ, then they will not understand how they are supposed to be treated by a man, or even how to treat a man.” – April
“I could not spend enough time with [God]! - Estelle
9. Be Truly Single
Being single is more than just a title. Being single means being 100% devoted to your own spiritual development and to God. Take this time to be 100% single. The randoms, the stragglers, if they are not God sent are a waste of time and a delay to your destiny. Don’t entertain the randoms.
“I had always been talking to someone, dating someone or in a relationship with someone. I desired to be truly single…I didn’t want to waste any more time entertaining people God had not sent.” – Daniella
10. Find Your Purpose
The process of waiting is about finding your purpose. If there is nothing else that you can do while waiting for God to send your husband, chase after him and his purpose for your life. Finding purpose through waiting is what “100 Women Who Waited” is all about.
"My values and purpose are what I expect from myself and what I expect out of life in return for following them…The point of knowing your values is not so that you become unstoppable and unbreakable, it is so that when worry, doubt, fear, discouragement, hopelessness finds its way in you have an anchor.” – Toogie.