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All the Way Up

At first it felt surreal that I was finally meeting "the one" sent from God. But then I began to accept it and embrace it with a clear mind and pure heart. I am happily married now to the best partner ever. We are partnered in our spirituality, love, friendship, ambitions, and goals. I live in so much PEACE now that I just can't describe it any other way. But this was not ALWAYS my story.

I was not the one to really "date" boys when I was younger because I wanted to "wait" for the perfect guy. Well that came to an end when I dated my very first boyfriend who brought things out of me I didn't even know existed. In a matter of years of being sexually active, I sadly lost track of who I was, my communion with God, and relationship with even some family and friends. I knew something was wrong when I, "a go-getta", put my goals on hold to support him in his. I prayed and prayed and prayed to God to show me how to GET OUT because I knew that relationship was becoming my worst enemy. The pain, headaches and confusion in my life were at an all time high during this time that I was "sexually active" and in this relationship. I knew that by being with him I was blocking many blessings from God, and I was terrified of letting that continue. But there was something I thought was "love" that kept pulling me back toward him. Until I went to a retreat with the church and God revealed to me that I needed to become celibate in order for him to SPEAK and SHOW me how to escape! That's when my journey of celibacy began. Once I decided to become celibate even while being with this boy (because he was wasn't a mature man), God began to show me directly what to do.

Fast forward to my period of being a CELIBATE, SINGLE WOMAN, I was reborn again! I began to love myself again! I fell in love with myself so much that I was not concerned about getting into a relationship again; my standards were ALL THE WAY UP. My standards were high even before I had a boyfriend (I allowed him to gradually break down my wall of standards), but NOW they were extremely high. During this time of being single I also realized what it really meant to LOVE someone. I loved myself and God loved me so much more, so I knew better now.

When I dated the boy, I really just didn't know anything about relationships, and knew even less about myself. I was very confident and on my 'A-Game' as an independent woman, but I didn't know how a man was supposed to treat their lady, because of my childhood and adolescent experiences. When I saw the first MAJOR RED FLAG, I ignored it, and this continued for years. I just didn't know any better.

The MAJOR DIFFERENCE in DATING MY King, is that I was able to disregard any of the men before him that I went on dates with, because as soon as I SAW what to ME, was a red flag (everyone has different red flags), I pulled a Beyonce on them (to the left, to the left) or a JayZ (on to the next one). I just was not having ANY of it. I loved myself too much to risk it by accepting something I knew was NOT RIGHT for me. So when DATING my king, I let him talk to me about what he wants, and doesn't want. I let him take the lead in most conversations because I wanted to get to know his soul and see and feel if we were equally yoked. Because the truth of the matter is that he could be the best man in the world, but if we don't match, we just don't match, period. There’s no need to force anything. I let him shower me with all that is HIM first, before I gave him more than just some of my time (which is valuable) ;-) I strategically managed how and when to offer him more of me, holding myself up to the highest regards, as a Queen should. As we ALL SHOULD.

I met my King at Church, we had been members of the church for about 5 years. My husband was in front of my eyes for about 5 years and I DIDN'T KNOW IT lol. God was preparing both of us for the time that we were ready to receive each other as blessings. Ever since I decided to become celibate and decided to leave that boy, I really became close to God and he showed me how to have a discernment of spirit. So, I immediately knew when the wrong spirit was near me, or when the right spirit was close. I NEVER FELT "butterflies" in my stomach. To me, that feeling of butterflies is a lie, and doesn't represent anything good for me. When I was around him, I just felt myself at such EASE, and I was perfectly fine with un-apologetically being 110% me; he was too :-) I came to realize that he loved everything about me, from my intelligence to my goofiness to my realness to my everything. He also was on a journey of celibacy, so I didn't have to force him into anything (although while we were dating, I held the torch in waiting, for reasons I'd rather not say now lol) Overall, I just knew he was the one. OH, and he knew what he wanted in life and was playing no games to get it, while always keeping God first. The power in that mindset, was priceless.

Before celibacy, my relationship with God was shaky for lack of a better word. During my 2 years of celibacy I became close to God again, but closer than ever before. Presently, my relationship with God is whole, and I don't depend on anybody else but Him. I trusted that waiting until I had TWO RINGS on my finger, GOD WAS GOING TO SHOW UP AND SHOW OUT, and he did!

I will NEVER regret the moment I decided to become celibate. That decision is still bearing fruits in my life. I am a happier woman, my self esteem is high, my confidence is high, my drive is high, my love is high, etc. I accomplished some goals since, and blessings are continuously falling from the heavens. I would recommend to ALL PEOPLE to become celibate and/or abstinent, and wait for God to show them! You can't lose, you can only WIN from being celibate. I can guarantee that!

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